AN EVENING WITH ALL WOMEN L.E.A.D.

I was honoured to speak at a recent ALL Women L.E.A.D. event and thought I would share what was on my mind, and my heart, that evening. I would also add that it was a pleasure to share the virtual stage with Sheema Khan and Melanie-Anne Atkins!

ALL Women L.E.A.D. was created by co-founders, Jennifer Slay and Melissa Meloney with the intention to become a source of support for women in all areas of leadership.

Be sure to check out their upcoming event on June 20th, 2022! allwomenlead.ca

"I am going to preface my remarks by saying that as a woman, I have always been aware of my gender. Black Lives Matter, the 215 unmarked graves in Kamloops and every subsequent identification of an unmarked grave across our country has made me starkly aware of my whiteness, my privilege, and my responsibility to do better.

To that end, I personally want to acknowledge that I am speaking to you this evening from the traditional territories of the Anishinaabek, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendt, Attawandaron, and Lenape Indigenous peoples. I commit to creating and supporting inclusive environments that help share the stories of this land and its people, and will continue working towards creating a healthy, inclusive, and vibrant community for all.

My name is Lynn and on this journey called life I am an ever-changing, ever-evolving work in progress. Being a life-long learner is intentional, and if I am open to receiving it, life teaches me a lesson, pretty much every single day. What I do with that lesson is my choice.

Many of you will know the following quote by Viktor Frankl: Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

And in as much as the space is imperative, it is the notion of CHOICE that truly resonates with me.

Choice is such an empowering word. Don’t be surprised if it pops up again.

So I’ve recently had a bit of an ‘ah ha moment’, one that has set the tone for my journey with you this evening. It begins with the following statement, one that any who have travelled by air have heard: In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the panel above you. Put on your own mask first before assisting others.

Logical, right?

Yet that means I’m supposed to look after me before my child, or the elderly man seated next to me. That’s counterintuitive. At least it was to me. And it remained so until recently. When I hired a Coach.

Her name is Kari Schneider, and what I have come to understand about myself would take far more time than we have available, so I will focus on one key learning. Kari has helped me realized that my sense of responsibility is my super power. My sense of responsibility is also my kryptonite.

So, the notion of balance feels like a good place to go next.

For several years now, I have acted as mentor to students taking Dr. Mary Crossen’s Transformational Leadership course at the Ivey School of Business. It has been an honour and a privilege to meet and speak with such remarkable young women and men. There is wisdom, compassion, and concern in them. That gives me hope.

The Leader Character course is the culmination of years of research around characteristics inherent in each of us. These have been broken down into 11 traits (each with subsets) that create a wheel. At the centre is Judgement. Around the outside: Transcendence. Drive. Collaboration. Humanity. Humility. Integrity. Temperance. Justice. Accountability. Courage.

The research revealed that each of these virtues can become a vice if it’s overweighted. Think DRIVE with little or no HUMILITY or HUMANITY.

So, my feeling of responsibility (which equates to Accountability on the character wheel) is a vice when I insist on ‘doing’ rather than empowering.

As a parent, I faced that moment when I could empower my child, or I could do the task for them, countless times. I know that I did not always empower. What was I teaching them then? Beyond dependence on me, not much.

I am now the primary care giver to two elderly relatives, one of whom I recently moved from Meaford to London and I am keenly aware that this lesson is one that I am still learning. Empowering them, each and every day, ensures their sense of agency.

Empowering me first, gives me the fuel I need to bring my best self to every situation.

When we do not look after ourselves – when we don’t put on our own oxygen mask first – we cannot bring our best selves, with all of the mental, physical, or emotional stamina we need, to look after others. We might get by for a bit, but there will come a moment (and it is never a convenient one) when everything falls apart.

In order to care for others. In order to empower others. We must first care for and empower ourselves.

I have discovered over time that empowerment has many guises. And I would also suggest that you often get as much as you give.

As an impact investor, I look to support companies that have a social or environmental impact embedded into their business DNA and I am a strong advocate for female founders. Empowerment can be as simple as the influx of capital, which allows an entrepreneur to keep moving that ground-breaking idea forward. Empowerment is also listening to understand, rather than to respond. It is the reminder that our brains are incredibly powerful and our primal brain is designed to protect us. So when we start thinking about a new idea or a challenge, our brain often tells us that it’s too big and way too scary and that we should just stay where we are. Comfortable and safe. Once we understand that, it’s easier to push past the fear, to explore the idea, to look for a path that will get us to the finish line.

As a writer, my primal brain has done its utmost to keep me safe. For years. Cautioning me that my story might not be good enough. Questioning what will happen if I fail. Writer and Pulitzer Prize winner, Annie Dillard reminds us that: Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes. So, I’m letting go of the fear. I’m putting the story out there.

As a community collaborator, this pandemic has made it impossible to ignore the fault lines in our societal structure, and I have been on a steep learning curve, as it relates to the ongoing mistreatment of Indigenous peoples across Canada. I strongly encourage each of you to take the Indigenous Canada course offered by the University of Alberta. It’s free. It’s empowering. I would also encourage you to not stop there. Read books like, White Fragility by Robin Deangelo, Decolonizing Wealth by Edgar Villanueva, 21 Things you May Not Know About the Indian Act by Bob Joseph. That will get you started.

On this journey, I am honoured to be working alongside dear friends, Mandi Fields and Mim O’Dowda, and a small group of like-minded people on what we are calling the Imagine Build. We are walking alongside Oneida Nation of the Thames, honouring the two row wampum, to build accessible, affordable housing on the settlement. Housing is a basic human right. One that far too many of our Indigenous neighbours still do not have access to.

At the outset, Mandi said to me: Once you see, you can’t unsee. To that I would add…and here we are returning to the notion of CHOICE… Once you’ve seen, there is a space, and in that space is your opportunity to choose do something…or not. The Imagine Build is choosing ReconciliACTION.

I am blessed to have an incredible circle of women in my life. Like Mandi, Mim, and others who are on the call this evening, Patricia and Heather. They are wise. They are compassionate. They are empowered and empowering. I am grateful to call them friends. And together we walk the talk of lifting as we rise, a phrase I credit to Christina Fox, CEO of TechAlliance.

My daughter, Nicole in also a part of that beautiful circle. I find that in many ways she has become one of my teachers. She recently asked me, “what do you think women need to hear right now?” My immediate response…that we are not alone. This pandemic has been isolating, yet if you look, you may well find that the support you need is close to hand. It is most certainly in this virtual room where we have gathered this evening. Thank you, ALL Women L.E.A.D. for providing this platform.

Find your community. Nurture it. And it will nurture you.

I’d like to close with a few thoughts, some are quotes, some are simply things I believe to be true.

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results truly is the definition of insanity. ~ Albert Einstein

Standing in judgement of someone judging you only serves to create a stalemate.

Honour who you are. Like a snowflake you are unique. There is a reason for that. Discover what that reason is.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. ~ African Proverb (Choose together. Always.)

Show up.

In much the same way that you would never allow another person to speak to you harshly, ensure that your inner voice only speaks to you with kindness and love.

If life is a jar, put in the big rocks first. Your aspirations. Your dreams. If you don’t, the sand - the minutia of life - will take up all the space.

Loosen your grip on all that you are certain of. A world of wonder awaits those who ask, what if…

Live each day to the fullest, because each day, like each breath, is a gift.

And last, but certainly not least: remember to always put your own oxygen mask on first.

Onward, my friends."